We never stop learning in life, but it’s what we do with that knowledge that is ultimately important.
During the darkest, most painful periods, we often can’t see the light and, for some, giving up can seem like the only option.
I know from personal experience because I’ve been there myself:
My life nearly came to an end on a distant Spanish island several years ago, having spiralled into a deep depression triggered by events in my private life.
It was a moment and experience which changed my life forever.
Fortunately, and evidently, I’m still here to tell the tale, but it taught me that no matter how difficult the circumstances, or how low and helpless you may feel, giving up is never an option. There is always hope.
It also taught me how strong I am. During the subsequent therapy I underwent related to my island experience, my doctor and a psychologist both told me that I was one of the strongest people they had met and were actually surprised how I had even managed to make it back to the UK alone, given my dire state of health at that time. Those words alone gave me strength and motivation, and, even though I periodically continue to battle with depression to varying degrees, including recently, I know I have the strength and ability to “ride the storm” (see the music video at the end of this article) and make it to the other side.
It may not seem like it at the time, but once you eventually step back into the light, which you inevitably will, you’ll be so relieved that you didn’t quit that, hopefully, you’ll never sink so low again.
It’s never too late to rebuild your life or make a fresh start, but if you ever feel yourself slipping, remember to draw from your own inner strength, admit you have a problem and, if you need it, seek professional help. If you do this and have good people around you, then you know you are almost certainly going to be just fine.
Stand up, be proud, hold your head up high and be yourself.
Leave the past behind you and learn from it; never try and relive it. You can’t. Cut negativity and painful baggage loose, and let the lessons learned help you grow as a person and move on to the next chapter in your life.
Let the scars you carry show the world that you’ve faced adversity and won; that you’re a fighter, a strong person and someone who always gets back up and continues living.
Never let others bring you down, control or manipulate you, or stop you being the person you truly are.
Treat both yourself and others with respect and take strength and pride from your sincerity, honesty, the empathy you show, and the desire to improve yourself. Strive to become a better and wiser person each and every day.
Never be afraid to self evaluate and look deep inside yourself. Make changes if necessary, but do it to help your own personal development and not because another person wants to mould you into their own ideal and/or someone you’re not.
In time we all discover who the true people are in our lives. They are the ones who share the good times with us but are still by our side during the darkest hours.
You may need to cut loose some negative, toxic people from your life (liars, false friends, two-faced individuals, users, abusers, etc). They will show their true colours eventually, and continued involvement with them will only drain the life out of you and set you back.
In contrast, and in terms of romantic relationships, some people you love may decide to leave you, even though you have given them your heart and loyalty, have vowed to be there for them through thick and thin, have demonstrated it, and have done everything you can to help them.
You can’t change that. All you can do is tell them how you feel, be prepared to listen to them, let them know you love them, and, if they still wish to leave, allow them to walk away, safe in the knowledge that you did everything you could.
Don’t lose yourself whilst constantly fighting to keep someone else happy. Believe me, I’ve been there, and it can take years to recover and find yourself again.
If they don’t offer you the same level of love and sincerity (and actions really do speak louder than words), and they want to leave, then let them go.
Relationships involve two people and are about love, truth, understanding, sharing and compromise, amongst other things. If you wish to be with someone, make sure that it’s someone who loves you for who you truly are, and not who they want you to be.
Who knows, they may reach out to you in the future. Maybe they will need your help and support. Nobody knows what the future holds and you can cross that bridge if and when you come to it.
If they want to be a part of your life and for you to be part of theirs, they will contact you and make an effort.
However, it’s important to continue with your own life, learn from what has happened and use the experience to further aid your personal development. Don’t waste your time waiting around in “limbo land”. Take some time out to clear your head, by all means, but get on with your life. Another lesson learned.
For all my faults and the mistakes I make (which we all do, from time to time), my words are always sincere and authentic, I have been a faithful, honest and loyal man all my life, and I always act with the best of intentions.
These are truths and principles I live by, which will never change, and if someone wishes to call them into question, then it says more about them than it does me. I know the real me, as do other genuine people in my life.
It’s things like this that we should all never lose sight of. Be yourself.
Look at the great people you have in your life and be thankful for them. Focus on them. Look with pride at your achievements. Look at the positives. Do things you enjoy, and live in the present with the intention of creating a wonderful, happier future.
Never lose your dignity and self-respect.
Stand up straight and proud, be positive, and embrace life and all the wonderful things it has to offer.
And whatever you do, never, ever give up!
NOTE: I will go into more detail about my life-changing experience on the Spanish island mentioned in this article, as well as depression, associated themes and many more topics in my new book, “Both Sides of the Story” (see this blog and http://pauldbull.com for more details).
