Lost in the fog. Coping with depression and how others can help.

The happy, outgoing and loving person you know seems to have vanished.

Maybe you haven’t heard from them for days or weeks or seen them for what seems like an eternity.

If you do, they appear withdrawn, uncommunicative and their demeanour and appearance may even shock you.

What has happened to this individual who just a short while ago was laughing, joking, sharing great times with you and who, it appeared, had a passion for life?

The person in question may well be grieving after losing a loved one or they may have received dramatic news about something which has had an adverse impact on their life.

However, before jumping to conclusions, take time to think, because it may well be that, in reality, the person is suffering from an illness which is often so misunderstood and stigmatised that many sufferers find it difficult to reach out and ask for the help they need to cure it.

The name of this wretched condition: depression.

As readers will know from some of my earlier articles, it is something about which I have great experience, having suffered with and fought against it for many years.

On two occasions, it became so severe that it caused me to have a full-blown nervous breakdown: The first one, during my mid to late 20s, took me the best part of a year to recover from, and I would spend days and months alone, avoiding people and largely confined to my home, occasionally venturing out to visit my doctor or psychologist, and doing exercise when I felt able.

On the second occasion, whilst living abroad, it became so serious that it nearly drove me to take my own life, and after returning to the UK, and due to the circumstances in my private life which had led to the episode, it took me a lengthy period of therapy to finally overcome the emotional fallout.

Due to the personal nature of the illness and the fact that, in my case, it is periodic, many people I know have never seen the full-blown effects this dreadful condition has had on me.

I consider myself to be outgoing, sociable, friendly, have a passion for life, and that is what, for the majority of the time, people see.

However. depression often causes a person to become withdrawn and can completely change the way they behave and react, and one major element of that is that they find it difficult to be around others and communicate their feelings.

For most people who are unaware that the person suffers from the condition, or have never experienced it themselves, this can be extremely confusing and cause them great concern. In some cases, it can even lead others to think that the sufferer is being rude and ill-mannered.

Of course, those of us who have either suffered from or understand depression know the truth to be completely different, but this is one of the key reasons why people with the illness reduce their time in public, shut themselves away and, in some cases, cut contact for periods of time.

Depending on the severity, it can be possible for sufferers to function in terms of doing their job and fulfilling essential life obligations, but that in itself can take all their energy and many people are unaware that, at the end of the day, and behind closed doors, the person with depression is doing everything they can to recuperate just so they can find a way of getting through the next day.

Of course, and as I explained earlier, in more severe cases, it can prevent a person carrying out even the most basic of life functions.

It can even lead to suicide if the person doesn’t receive the help they need and spirals down into a depression so deep they feel there is no return.

With that in mind, the first thing for any sufferer to do is seek the help they need. Depression is an illness and is nothing to be ashamed of.

Don’t grit your teeth and hope it will go away. If you are feeling low, emotional and finding it difficult to function normally, then visit your doctor.

You may be prescribed medication or referred for therapy, but then isn’t that what usually happens when someone suffers from an illness?

Why should depression or mental health conditions be given less respect than other illnesses?

In addition, and to further help the situation, what can other people do to help sufferers overcome this most debilitating and soul-destroying condition?

One of the main inspirations behind me being so open about my own experiences and battles with depression (as well as related conditions such as anxiety) is that I want to help spread awareness and reduce the completely undeserved and, frankly, disgraceful stigma attached to it.

Anyone who denies the existence of the illness (and I have encountered quite a few individuals who fit into this category), or pours scorn on other mental health conditions, is, in my opinion, both ignorant and lacking in compassion, and their opinions should not be given any validation whatsoever.

Depression is an officially recognised illness and doesn’t respect age, status, wealth or lifestyle: it can affect anyone at any time.

However, at the same time, and given the withdrawal and changes in behaviour displayed by the person with the illness, the genuine worry, concern and confusion it generates amongst the people closest to them, as well as other friends and acquaintances, is completely understandable.

Loved ones often feel helpless because it seems that no matter what they say or do, they can’t ease the other person’s suffering.

What can you do, therefore, to help a person suffering with depression?

Based on my own experience, advice from medical professionals and having spoken to many other fellow sufferers, I have compiled the following list of suggestions. It is by no means exhaustive, and some of the points may work for certain people but not for others. However, they are suggestions and they may well help both the sufferer and those around them:

1 – Accept their condition: Let the person suffering from depression know you understand and that it isn’t possible for them to just “snap out of it” or “cheer up”. They are not simply sad, they are suffering from an illness which should be treated with respect, patience and empathy.

2 – Be available to listen and talk: People suffering from depression and related conditions, such as anxiety, often find it difficult to communicate their feelings. However, they may wish to confide in one or two people close to them. Don’t press them to open up; let them do things at their own pace, but be available for them if they wish to reach out.

3 – Give them space: Many people with depression have a tendency to push people away while they deal with their feelings.
Don’t suffocate them or bombard them with calls, messages and advice, but let them know that you love and care about them and that you are there for them if they need you. If they don’t contact you for a while, you can always send them a friendly message to see how they are and remind them that you are still there for them, but don’t pressure them.
Of course, if the sufferer lives alone and doesn’t have many people in their life, then by all means check on them if you haven’t heard anything for a while, but be sure to respect their space as well.

4 – Encourage them to seek help: If you have a loved one or someone close to you who you believe is suffering from depression, reassure them that there is nothing to be ashamed of and encourage them to seek professional help.
You can even offer to go with them if they need extra support.
Once again, don’t put pressure on them. However, if their condition worsens to the extent where you are worried that they may harm themselves or someone else, then contact a medical professional yourself to alert them and receive advice.

5 – Read up on the condition: Informing yourself about the illness will undoubtedly give you a greater understanding of what the sufferer is going through. It will, therefore, enable you to provide more beneficial and useful support.

6 – Don’t project your feelings of helplessness onto the sufferer: People with compassion and empathy obviously want to do everything they can to help and relieve their loved one’s pain. However, depression is a very personal and private illness and the person with the condition needs to take things at their own pace.
Sometimes, well-intentioned loved ones and friends can inadvertently project their own feelings of helplessness and frustration in relation to the situation as they try to get the sufferer to do things they believe will help. By all means make suggestions, but don’t push the issue.

7 – Don’t try to impose your own beliefs in relation to medication: As mentioned in an earlier article I wrote, “Pills, Potions, Panic Attacks and Peace.” , the right way to cure an illness or condition is a long-running debate and one which provokes strong opinions amongst people of every culture, religion and background.
However, what works for one person may not work for another.
Whether you personally believe in prescribed medication, natural remedies or any other form of treatment, respect the opinion of professionals and allow the person suffering from depression to follow a method which helps them the most.
Remember, this is about helping the sufferer get well, not your own personal beliefs.

8 – Look after yourself: If you’re supporting a loved one with depression, don’t neglect yourself in the process.
Continue to look after your own health and needs and you’ll be in a much better position to help the other person.

Depression can be a devastating illness and extremely difficult to overcome, but it can be controlled and / or defeated.

Of course, some people need lifelong support, but with the right help, they are still able to lead happy and fulfilling lives.

It is a very personal condition and can affect sufferers in many different ways. However, as I mentioned earlier, it is nothing to be ashamed of.

Depression isn’t a weakness, choice or negative reflection of the sufferer; it’s an illness.

The more we talk about it and spread awareness, the easier it will become for people to understand the condition and for sufferers to find the strength to reach out and ask for the help they need.

Website: http://pauldbull.com/

IMPORTANT MESSAGE:
If anyone reading this is suffering from depression and / or has suicidal thoughts, please remember that you are not alone and that help and support is available 24/7.
Sometimes simply talking to someone can help, and if you don’t feel able to communicate with people close to you, then there are independent organisations out there who you can contact in confidence.
One organisation I recommend in the UK, which you can also access from abroad, is the Samaritans. For information about the organisation and contact details, please click on the following link: http://www.samaritans.org/
There are millions of us out here who are with you all the way, so stay strong and don’t give up. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.