Your relationship has become stagnant and unfulfilling, you’re clinging on to ghosts from the past, or maybe you remain in a situation in which someone or something is causing you pain or unhappiness.
Many of us have experienced such a scenario, and resolving the issue can often seem like a daunting task.
Of course, there will be occasions, such as in relationships, where two people can work together to overcome their problems.
However, sustained or frequent periods of hurt, boredom and / or unfulfillment in a romantic setting are extremely unhealthy, and can literally drain from your mind, body and soul the very energy you need to escape.
The result can lead to people remaining with each other out of dependency or familiarity, rather than true love, passion and a shared happiness.
Interfering and unwarranted external pressures from others, even though they have no right to tell the other person which decisions they should or shouldn’t make, can also have a major impact, although, admittedly, some advice is offered with the best of intentions.
In some cases, boredom and lack of satisfaction can lead to one or both partners looking outside the relationship for the physical and emotional elements lacking within, which is not only deceitful, but can cause untold pain and damage to all involved, including the third party or parties.
Therefore, why do couples who are so clearly unfulfilled and tired of each other continue along the same monotonous and usually destructive path?
One of the key reasons is fear.
They fear what is out there in the wider world. They fear losing, no matter how mundane, unsatisfying and painful, the familiarity of what they are used to. They fear letting go.
The reality, however, is that if people overcame their fears, listened to their heart and applied some logical thinking, they would realise that by releasing their past or ending their stagnant present situation they could shape a happier, exciting and ultimately more satisfying life and future.
You see, real happiness lies within, and only we as individuals can achieve it.
Although there are clearly people in our lives who bring us joy, excitement and laughter, no-one should rely or depend on another person for their life’s contentment and peace of mind.
I know from personal experience, as well as through listening to many others, where individuals have remained in an unhappy or unfulfilling relationship when the chance for them to break free, discover their true selves and be the person they have always aspired to be is within their grasp.
In some cases, it has also prevented the person in question moving on with their life and being with someone they truly love and with whom they are far better suited; a scenario in which both parties are happy, fulfilled and all the positive physical and emotional ingredients are present and natural.
Of course, in cases where children are involved, the situation can be more complicated because the whole scenario is about more than just two people.
However, in the long run, surely it would be more beneficial for the parents to find a way to separate amicably, whilst at the same time continuing to love and support their children, rather than remaining together and allowing their youngsters to live in a potentially toxic environment where their mother and father are clearly unhappy with each other and at loggerheads.
In addition, where one or both of the parents has sought solace outside their relationship, infidelity is hardly a glowing example for an adult to set their child.
When marriages are angry, conflicted, or terribly mediocre, parents often default to staying together for the purported sake of the children. I wonder whose sake it’s really for. As our children grow older, they tend to replicate relationships similar to what their parents modeled. As parents we’d never say we want our children to suffer or struggle in their relationships. Yet that’s the greater likelihood. It’s not what we say, but what we do that matters. – “For the Sake of the Children” by Mel Schwartz (Psychology Today).
Emotions are powerful and we can’t help who we fall in love with.
Few, if any, relationships run smoothly 100 per cent of the time, but some people can remain in love, be together for the majority of their lives and be extremely happy.
Other relationships, however, of varying degrees of intensity, can burn out after a period of time or run what would be deemed their natural course. On the other hand, some can be extremely painful due to emotional or physical abuse and controlling behaviour, which can have far-reaching and long-lasting negative effects (see my earlier article on narcissism for more about one particular topic connected to the latter).
In such cases it is important to have the strength to let go.
Not only will this enable you to free yourself from an unhappy and passionless situation, but it will give you the liberty to discover and be the real you.
Furthermore, if you have fallen for someone else, you will be able to pursue and enjoy your new relationship without deceit and causing pain to others.
True love and passion which goes unfulfilled is a tragic waste and a painful denial of our deepest desires.
However, before venturing on a journey which enables us to realise such powerful feelings and emotions, it is important to finish the last chapter.
As I said in one of my earlier motivational quotes:
“Letting go is one of life’s most difficult challenges, but it’s better to jump into uncharted waters and swim to safety than cling to the mast of a sinking ship.”
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