We’ve all had unwanted visitors.
Most of the time it’s easy to close the door and prevent them entering our domain, whereas on other occasions a more careful and sensitive approach is needed.
However, how do we cope when a particular visitor enters stealthily and unannounced and, no matter how hard you try, they refuse to leave?
What if that particular visitor then decides to wreak havoc in your life and inflict pain at will and without warning.
I’ve had one such visitor in my life for many years now, although, with practice, fighting them has become progressively easier and, as a result, their visits have become much less frequent.
In fact, when they come and stay for a while, I’ve even learned to coexist with them and continue with my life until I am finally able to force them out.
The name of my visitor is depression!
A damaging and largely misunderstood illness, depression can have a major impact on both the sufferer and those around them.
It can be triggered by any number of circumstances and life experiences. It can also be a lifelong battle for many to contain or overcome what Winston Churchill famously described as his “black dog”.
It affects people in different ways, with differing levels of severity and over varying periods of time, but, for nearly all those who experience it, the battle for stability is often a difficult drawn-out process and requires hard work from the individual, as well as support and patience from others.
I have suffered with depression since my mid-to-late 20s and, if I am really honest, it took me many years to finally begin to understand it.
Even now, I know that there is always the potential for a depressive episode, but I have found what an old friend and qualified psychologist refers to as “coping mechanisms” and “tools” to help me stay on track, and getting to know yourself is essential in enabling you to identify exactly what they are.
Overcoming depression involves a change in approach, alterations to lifestyle and understanding the reasons that have caused an individual to suffer with it in the first place.
Some people with minor symptoms can achieve this without large-scale disruption to their lives and those of their nearest and dearest. Changes can be made but without the need for a drastic overhaul.
For others, however, it can seem like their world has turned upside down, and more severe measures are needed just to stay afloat.
Major depression can feel like it is suffocating you.
There are days, weeks, months, and even years, in some extreme cases, where sufferers literally can’t focus and feel powerless to do anything to relieve the pain.
During my first major episode, I would sit staring at the wall of my flat for hours every day and night.
I can’t really remember everything that was going through my mind at that time but I would be literally rooted to the same chair with the television on in the background, my nerves on edge, and with tears occasionally streaming down my face.
The way back to happiness and a healthy life seemed like an impossible journey at that particular time.
However, it was a journey I was finally able to make, and I know that particular period, along with each subsequent depressive episode, has helped me become a stronger person, as well as devise more effective methods to fight the illness.
Learning to accept yourself is one of the most important and difficult aspects of this process, in my opinion.
It really is about stripping everything back and getting to know exactly what makes you tick; warts and all.
Honesty has always been a trait in which I have prided myself. However, self discovery requires an individual to be honest with themselves as well and, as I have learned, whilst being truthful with others can come as second nature, it is also easy to delude one’s self and refuse to accept the changes that are happening to you.
Depression is a very personal illness and some methods in dealing with it can be more effective than others, depending on the individual concerned.
However, there are certain common methods which are recommended by medical professionals, as well as generally accepted ways in which you can learn to live with the condition.
As with my earlier article, in which I wrote about how people can help sufferers (“Lost in the fog. Coping with depression and how others can help.”), I have now compiled the following list of suggestions as to how sufferers can help themselves.
Once again, it isn’t an exhaustive list, and their effectiveness will obviously depend on the individual.
I must also point out that I am not a qualified medical professional and many of these recommendations are also based on personal experience.
However, they have certainly helped me personally, and I hope readers will find them beneficial and supportive too.
1 – Be honest with yourself and accept your condition: The first point in dealing with depression is admitting to yourself that you don’t feel well.
Being depressed isn’t just a case of feeling sad, it is usually marked by a combination of factors, including (but not always all): hopelessness, anxiety, emptiness, loss of interest in hobbies and interests, lethargy and fatigue, withdrawing socially, lack of or too much sleep, low self-esteem, feeling tearful, irritability and intolerance, finding it difficult to make decisions, and guilt.
(More detailed information on symptoms can be found on the NHS website: NHS – Symptoms of depression ).
2 – Don’t feel ashamed: Depression is an illness and should be treated and respected as such. Just as you shouldn’t feel ashamed if you suffer from a physical illness or condition, depression is nothing to be embarrassed about.
3 – Tell those around you: Seeing a loved one or friend go from being happy, outgoing and communicative, to withdrawn, down and uncommunicative can be extremely confusing and difficult to understand.
Therefore, be honest with those closest to you.
This will also enable them to offer you the support you need.
4 – Seek professional help: There are varying theories and beliefs as to how to treat virtually every type of illness or condition (as I outlined in my earlier article “Pills, potions, panic attacks and peace.”).
However, I feel strongly that depression is an illness which needs to diagnosed by a qualified professional, who will then be able to recommend a plan of treatment and therapy.
This may involve medication or psychotherapy (psychiatric / psychological support or counselling), or a combination of both, but the important thing is that you are being given guidance and support by someone who is experienced in dealing with such conditions.
Medication, of course, can have side effects, including (but not limited to) feelings of nausea, stomach and digestion problems, disruption to sleep patterns, headaches, initial feelings of increased anxiety, and effects in relation to sexual performance. However, by talking to your GP or psychiatrist, you should be able to find the type of medication which is best for you and your recovery, whilst at the same time minimising the side effects as much as possible.
(Once again, more detailed information about the side effects of antidepressants can be found on the NHS website: NHS – Side effects of antidepressants ).
5 – Don’t let the prejudice and ignorance of others delay your recovery: There are all too many cases of people who have never suffered from depression or related illnesses (and some who have but refuse to admit it) denying their existence.
If you encounter people who attempt to belittle your condition and / or offer unhelpful and insensitive advice such as “pull yourself together” or “cheer up”, treat their ignorance with the contempt it deserves and, instead, make sure that when you feel able to socialise and integrate with others, you spend your time around positive people who are keen to understand your situation and be supportive.
6 – Do sport / stay physically active: Medical professionals always recommend sport and physical activity as a way of helping ease the symptoms of depression. Based on my own experience, I completely agree.
I am by nature an active person, but sport and exercise have been fundamental in my own recovery from the periodic bouts of depression from which I have suffered.
Physical activity produces an increase in “feel good” chemicals such as serotonin and dopamine, which help elevate mood.
Sometimes, due to the lethargy often associated with depression, just leaving the house can feel like a struggle.
However, if you are able to fight such feelings and exercise for even a short period of time, you will undoubtedly feel the benefits.
For me personally, hiking and mountain biking (where I also connect with nature – pictured below), boxing, and weights are among my favourite forms of exercise, but even a brisk walk around your neighbourhood can help.
7 – Try relaxation techniques: In severe cases of depression, this can be extremely difficult, but whether it be a case of doing deep breathing exercises or spending time in a peaceful environment, such as a favourite spot in the countryside, healthy activities that calm your mind will help.
I took up meditation several years ago and, although I have found it challenging to do during deeper periods of depression, perseverance and practice have made it easier to carry out over time, and I now use meditation as part of my regular routine, whether suffering from depression or not.
8 – Try and get the right amount of sleep: Statistics indicate that the average adult needs between seven and nine hours of sleep per night, although this may vary depending on the person.
Of course, the condition itself and medication can affect a person’s ability to get exactly the right amount, but setting an alarm clock, not watching TV or using a computer late into the night, and resisting the temptation to look at the time (clockwatching) if you are unable to sleep straight away or wake up during the night, can all help.
Try not to sleep too much as well, as this can make you feel as though you have wasted a large part of the day, which can compound the situation.
9 – Eat healthily and don’t drink too much alcohol: People who suffer with depression often find their eating and drinking habits change significantly.
Some find that they lose their appetite and hardly eat, which results in weight loss, whilst others binge on comfort food (often unhealthy fast food and snacks), which can result in weight gain. In both cases, the often dramatic physical changes can make the sufferer feel even worse.
Without the right type of fuel, both the body and brain suffer, so eating healthily and regularly is a hugely important part of the recovery process.
Furthermore, some people turn to alcohol as a means of coping and gaining temporary relief from the pain they are suffering, which is a huge mistake.
Alcohol is a depressant and will make the condition worse if consumed in large quantities.
Many medical professionals advise that alcohol should be avoided altogether by people suffering with depression, especially when taking medication. However, if you feel the need to have a drink in a social environment (and, as mentioned earlier, being around people can be hugely beneficial), be sensible and keep consumption to a minimum.
10 – Develop and stick to a routine: Whether it be simple things such as getting up at the same time every day, cleaning the house at a specific hour or allocating a particular slot to do some exercise, having a plan gives you something to aim for each day.
If you achieve all or part of the agenda, it gives you a sense of achievement and that, in turn, helps to raise self-esteem.
Of course, in cases where a sufferer is generally able to function and go to work, focusing wholeheartedly on the job can help immensely and deflect attention away from the depressive feelings.
However, in more severe circumstances, where on some days just getting out of bed can feel like a monumental task, even a small and disciplined routine can help a lot.
11 – Write your thoughts down: Writing can be an extremely therapeutic form of getting your feelings out into the open.
You don’t have to show anyone what you have written (although it can serve as a useful reference tool during sessions with a psychiatrist, psychologist or counsellor), but getting your thoughts down on paper or on your computer can serve as a release, as well as help you identify if there are any specific triggers causing your depression.
12 – Don’t be a hermit: When suffering from more severe cases of depression, shutting yourself away can seem like the easiest solution.
However, spending too much time by yourself gives you more of an opportunity to ruminate and allow negative thoughts to whirl around in your mind, which only compounds the condition.
You don’t have to be the most talkative person, but simply being around people can help you reconnect with everyday life, and a change of scenery is always good.
Do things at your own pace, but try not to isolate yourself.
Whether it be grabbing a tea or coffee with a trusted friend or family member, or simply taking a book or your Kindle to a cafe or bar and being in a different environment with some life around you can help lift your mood.
13 – Talk: Some people find it difficult to talk to people close to them about their condition, but keeping feelings inside can often make things worse.
Therefore, if you don’t feel comfortable discussing your situation with your nearest and dearest, there are many independent organisations our there (such as the Samaritans in the UK), who have trained staff ready and available to listen and offer support.
These organisations are non-judgemental and have, by their very nature, helped huge numbers of people and saved many lives.
14 – Remember that you’re not alone: Millions of people around the world suffer from depression and associated conditions such as anxiety.
There is still a long way to go, but more and more people are finding it easier to talk openly about the condition. The more this happens, the more it helps to reduce the completely unwarranted stigma attached to the illness.
If you are suffering from a severe case of depression and / or have suicidal thoughts, please remember that help and support is available 24/7 and make contact with someone immediately.
Your life is valuable, and with the right approach and support, you can recover and go on to have a happy and fulfilling future.
I wish you all the very best on your path to recovery.
Website: http://pauldbull.com/
IMPORTANT MESSAGE:
If anyone reading this is suffering from depression and / or has suicidal thoughts, please remember that you are not alone and that help and support is available 24/7.
Sometimes simply talking to someone can help, and if you don’t feel able to communicate with people close to you, then there are independent organisations out there who you can contact in confidence.
One organisation I recommend in the UK, which you can also access from abroad, is the Samaritans. For information about the organisation and contact details, please click on the following link: http://www.samaritans.org/
There are millions of us out here who are with you all the way, so stay strong and don’t give up. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.
